Self-harm is an unhealthy coping mechanism for dealing with overwhelming thoughts, feelings and experiences. If you find out that your child is self-harming it can be hard to process, and to start with you may not know how to react.
With time and support, children can learn healthier coping strategies to manage difficult emotions. Here are a few tips from experts on supporting children who are self-harming.
Tip 1 – Recognise the signs
Common warning signs of self-harm include:
- Unexplained cuts, bruises, burns or bald patches
- Keeping arms or legs covered up, even in hot weather
- Blaming themselves for things that aren't their fault
- Bloody tissues in the bin
- Low mood or angry outbursts
Tip 2 – Find a support network
Taking time to learn about self-harm can help you feel more equipped to support your child. Try to find a support network to help manage your own feelings of distress, and remember that your child isn't trying to get attention or upset you.
Tip 3 – Remain calm, present and patient
Try to remain calm and present when you talk with your child and don't overwhelm them. It's important to make sure your child is safe, but too much scrutiny can be unhelpful.
Tip 4 – Keep communicating
What your child needs now more than ever is your love and support. Try to listen, empathise and avoid being judgemental. With time they will make sense of what is going on, and you can work with them to find a better coping strategy.
Tip 5 – Practise empathy and validation
It can be hard to know how to react when your child tells you something upsetting. They are likely to feel better if you validate how they are feeling, rather than trying to problem-solve straight away.
Tip 6 – Work together and make a plan
With open communication and trust, you can work with your child on a plan to keep them safe during a crisis. This might include:
- Things that help me get through the next minute
- Steps I can take to make my situation safer
- Things that help me feel calmer
- People I can turn to for support
It can be helpful to write this down and to check whether these steps are having an impact over time.
Tip 7 – Get professional advice
Your child's GP will likely refer them to a mental health professional, who will complete a risk assessment. If you think your child is at immediate risk while waiting for support, contact the emergency services.
Tip 8 – Take it slowly
For many young people, the best advice is to take it one day at a time. Nothing will improve overnight — but they need to know that you will be there for them.
