Bullying can have a life-long impact on children, and so it's vital that parents and carers recognise when their child is being bullied and know how to help. In this film, Dr. Sian Williams explores the common signs of bullying at school and online, and where you can turn to for extra support.
Transcript
Understanding Bullying
00:00:00 Dr Sian Williams
It's normal for children to have conflict with friends. Bullying, on the other hand, is potentially very harmful, particularly if it's persistent, and research shows it can have a big impact on a child's mental health.
What Is Bullying?
00:00:15 Dr Sian Williams
Bullying means there's a power imbalance and there is intent to harm, emotionally or physically. This can be physical violence, but it might also be in the form of humiliation or leaving someone out of a group. Sometimes it involves spreading rumours, intimidation, or name-calling. Bullying can happen to any child, anywhere, at school, at home, and increasingly online. Children who are being bullied will each respond differently, of course, but here are some tips from experts and parents on how to support a child who's having problems with being bullied.
Tip 1: Signs of Bullying in Your Child
00:00:50 Dr Sian Williams
Tip number 1: Keep an eye out for any signs of bullying. Some common warning signs that a child is being bullied include: school avoidance or anxiety, belongings getting lost or damaged in some way, an unexpected change in how they're doing at school, unexplained physical injuries, difficulty getting to sleep, unusual outbursts of anger or upset without any obvious trigger. Make sure you always keep bullying on your parent radar.
Tip 2: Get in the Habit of Talking About Difficult Things
00:01:20 Dr Sian Williams
Tip number 2: Habitually talk about difficult feelings and experiences. In families that habitually talk about difficult feelings and experiences, the child gets the strong message that it's a good idea to bring worries home, whatever they may be. This increases the chances of them spontaneously coming forward and telling you that they're being bullied.
Tip 3: Choose Your Timing Carefully and Be Respectful
00:01:45 Dr Sian Williams
Tip number 3: with a reluctant sharer, choose your time carefully. If you suspect bullying, but your child is not opening up, choose your time carefully and read their signals before you question them. Let them know you're here whenever they're ready to talk and build trust by giving them time to talk. Don't shy away. They need you close by, but be respectful. Ask them what steps they would like to take, and if they'd rather talk to someone else, who that might be.
Tip 4: Listen First, Withhold Your Advice
00:02:20 Dr Sian Williams
Tip number 4: Listen, withhold your advice at first and be careful what you promise. Hearing that your child is being bullied is incredibly hard, and it might take all your self-control not to jump or act quickly to protect them, but stopping and listening is essential. As they talk, leave lots of space so they can figure out their thoughts and experiences and withhold your advice first. Children may feel ashamed or awkward sharing this information, and often, the hardest part of the story takes time to emerge. Let them know you're going to decide what steps to take together, and don't be tempted to promise secrecy because you can't promise not to tell anyone without knowing the details. At times of stress, trusting relationships at home are crucial, and consent to act is needed if the child is going to confide in you in the future.
Tip 5: Validate What Your Child's Going Through
00:03:15 Dr Sian Williams
Tip number 5: Don't minimize what your child is experiencing. As a parent, we can sometimes dismiss bullying, seeing it as 'just how kids are', and that 'they'll have to learn how to deal with it', but it's important to validate what your child is experiencing. Research shows that a parent's first response is key to relieving distress and building a good relationship. When your child knows you've got their back and you'll take their concerns seriously, they'll talk more. And as you work out how to solve difficulties together, they will grow in confidence and resilience will follow.
Tip 6: Report Hate Crime to the Police
00:03:50 Dr Sian Williams
Tip number 6: Report hate crime to the police. Bullying someone because of their gender identity, sexuality, religious beliefs, race, or because they have a disability is a hate crime. It's against the law and it needs to be reported. You can report crimes like this to the police online.
Tip 7: Talk to the School
00:04:15 Dr Sian Williams
Tip number 7: Talk to the school if your child is being bullied. It doesn't matter whether the bullying is happening on the school premises, outside, or on the internet. All schools have a responsibility to protect their pupils from bullying. Their anti-bullying policy should be on their website. Bring any evidence you have of the bullying, such as text messages, a record of incidents, or screenshots if the bullying is happening online. Do this in collaboration with your child and agree what information will be shared. Your child may be nervous about you doing this, so take their concerns seriously. Explain they have a right to feel safe at school and reassure them that their teacher is there to support them and will want to make sure that the bullying stops.
Tip 8: Create Time and Space for Peer Relationships
00:05:00 Dr Sian Williams
Tip number 8: Create space and time for your child to connect with other children. Peer relationships are so important for children, particularly teens. These friendships act to protect a child's mental health and well-being. Do what you can to encourage and support your child to connect with and spend time with friends they can trust. If possible, foster friendship circles out of school so they have other sources of friendships. This will boost their confidence, self-esteem, and ensure they experience themselves as the child who's liked and valued by others.
Tip 9: Keep on Top of Social Media
00:05:40 Dr Sian Williams
Tip number 9: Keep on top of social media. If the bullying is happening online, this can be quite a complex challenge. Talk with your child about what's happening online and work with them to find a way to stop or manage it. Make sure your child knows how to block anyone who posts nasty or abusive things about them on any app or social media platform. They can also report abusive posts to the platform and find out where else to report it. You can usually find details of how to do this in the help or online safety area under 'settings'.
Tip 10: Keep Home Safe, Kind and Fun
00:06:20 Dr Sian Williams
Tip number 10: Make home a place of safety, kindness and fun as your child recovers. Bullying is a major life stressor, and children who are bullied need strong, kind parents at home where they feel loved and accepted. Try to increase quality time and have fun together to take them away from these difficulties and remember what it's like to laugh and smile.
Closing
00:06:50 Dr Sian Williams
Thank you for taking the time to watch and good luck. If you'd like more information on bullying and where to go for help, please look elsewhere on the Nip in the Bud website, www.nipinthebud.org.
