--- title: 'How can parents support children who struggle with going to school?' url: 'https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/school-avoidance/how-can-parents-support-children-who-struggle-with-going-to-school' markdown: 'https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/school-avoidance/how-can-parents-support-children-who-struggle-with-going-to-school.md' date: '2025-12-04' description: "Do you have, or know, a child who has started illustrating new behaviours around school attendance? Keep listening because in this nugget for parents we talk about what signs and indicators you may look for as parents and carers to notice when your child is struggling to get to school. Naomi discusses how to speak with your child to help understand them better, and to help them to understand themselves and why their feelings about school may have changed. We talk about the importance of building a relationship with your child’s school so that together things can be put into place to meet your child’s needs. Transcript Introduction 00:00:00 Alis In these short podcast clips, we offer nuggets of information from our longer podcasts that give advice and quick tips to help you, as parents and carers, recognize your children's needs and respond more efficiently, empowering you to better navigate the challenges of parenting. This clip is from my longer podcast in which I speak to Clinical Psychologist Dr. Naomi Fisher on supporting children through EBSA and how teachers and parents can help to meet the developmental needs of children effectively. Do you have or know a child who has started illustrating new behaviours around school attendance? Keep listening, because in this Nugget for Parents, we talk about what signs and indicators you may look for as parents and carers to notice when your child is struggling to get to school. Naomi discusses how to speak with your child to help understand them better and to help them to understand themselves and why their feelings about school may have changed. We also talk about the importance of building a relationship with your child's school so that together things can be put into place to meet your child's needs. With regards to parents and signs of EBSA or school distress, what would you say that parents could look out for in their children that would identify that their children are starting to seriously struggle? The difference between it just being Monday morning and 'I just don't want to go in, and it's cold, and it's raining,' but that serious struggling is starting to happen. Signs Parents Should Look For 00:01:53 Naomi Yes. I think often it's when there's a big difference between how a child appears to be at school and appears to be at home. So quite a lot of parents will say, 'School seems to think they're fine, but at home, oh my goodness, it's absolutely awful. We're coping with huge meltdowns and really disruptive behaviour and because school says they're fine, then we think it can't possibly be school.' In fact, parents are often told it's something you're doing at home. I think that's a sign that your child is really struggling to manage, that whatever's going on at school is a bit too much for them, and they're keeping it all in at school, but they're not able to sustain that. Another thing that you might notice is that they're saying they've got tummy aches, and it isn't that children make these things up, it's that the way that children express their emotions is often actually through physical symptoms. We all maybe tend to be a bit dismissive when children say they've got a headache or a tummy ache, we think they're making it up but actually, it may well be that that is what it feels like to them. If they're worrying about something, they do have a tummy ache rather than worrying about it in a way an adult might worry. Those sorts of things, I think, would be an indication that your child is struggling, there's just a bit too much going on. Also sleep problems. They're not getting to sleep, they're maybe waking in the night worried. Another thing that parents often tell me about is that their children have a cycle of that they're much more relaxed in the holidays and then when the term times happen, you can see them tense up. They say there's a rhythm where on Saturdays, they're okay. On Sundays, they're gradually getting more tense. I would just be aware of your child's rhythms and how those might relate to what's happening at school. I would not necessarily go head in on that because parents are always saying, 'We're always asking what's wrong and the children won't tell us', and that is how children are, but you can make opportunities to find out what's worrying them, to find out what things are going on for them. You might also, if you've got signs like, say, a very explosive child out of school, you might be wanting to think about the length of that child's day. So I do sometimes meet children who are really struggling, who go to breakfast club, then they go to the whole school day, and then they have after-school club or a childminder straight afterwards, and they're out of the house for a really long day. And of course, parents do it because they need to go to work. Absolutely, but if your child is really struggling, it might be worth thinking about, is there any way that we could shorten that day a bit so that they get a bit more time to just really decompress? Or if you can't, is there a way to build in some time into that day so it's more decompression time? Because, for example, if a child goes to a club after school and the expectation is that it's homework club and we're going to straight away be doing our homework, then that child hasn't really got any downtime in that time. It's all on. Actually, children lying around in front of the TV gets a very bad press, but actually they need to have some time when they can just lie around and relax for a bit because that's their decompression time. Then they'll be able to do other things again. But You might want to just think about your child's day, about do they have enough time to decompress? Do they have enough time to just go 'blah'? The Importance of Decompression 00:05:07 Alis Why is it important this decompression? I know you've studied the brain and how children learn and develop mentally. Why is decompression time so key? 00:05:17 Naomi Well, what's it like for you if you're surrounded with a group of people all day and you have to be behaving in a certain way, all day? Perhaps if you're a child, it's quite hard for you to keep up that behavior all day. You need a bit of time. In my experience, everyone needs a bit of time where they can just go in, shut the door and go, 'oh'. We used to joke about it when I was training as a clinical psychologist that you had to put on a particular clothes, sure you have the same as a head teacher, you dress in a certain way when you are the teacher and you come out, maybe you just put on your pajamas and you need that time to do that. And children need that, too, just as much as adults do. In fact, more. Children need that more than adults do. Closing 00:05:58 Alis I hope you enjoyed that Nip in the Bud nugget. If you want more, why not go back and listen to the whole episode with my guest? If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with others and visit our website for more information, advice, and resources." taxonomy: category: - 'Mental Health' tag: - 'School Avoidance' - Bullying - Anxiety - 'School Life' - EBSA type: - Podcast contributor: - 'Alis Rocca' - 'Dr Naomi Fisher' --- # How can parents support children who struggle with going to school? #### bob Table of Contents - [Transcript](#transcript) - [Introduction](#introduction) - [Signs Parents Should Look For](#signs-parents-should-look) - [The Importance of Decompression](#the-importance-of-decompr) - [Closing](#closing) ### Nip in the Bud Podcast - Episode 8 - Nugget 2 ## How can parents support children who struggle with going to school? [Download Episode](user://media/podcasts/08-2-nuggets-with-naomi-fisher-how-can-parents-support-children-who-struggle-with-going-to-school.mp3) | Published 03-May-2024 | Duration: 0h 6m 20s ### Host: [Alis Rocca](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/about-us/authors-and-experts/alis-rocca) ### Guest(s): [Dr Naomi Fisher](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/about-us/authors-and-experts/dr-naomi-fisher) Do you have, or know, a child who has started illustrating new behaviours around school attendance? Keep listening because in this nugget for parents we talk about what signs and indicators you may look for as parents and carers to notice when your child is struggling to get to school. Naomi discusses how to speak with your child to help understand them better, and to help them to understand themselves and why their feelings about school may have changed. We talk about the importance of building a relationship with your child’s school so that together things can be put into place to meet your child’s needs. ## Transcript ## Introduction 00:00:00 Alis > In these short podcast clips, we offer nuggets of information from our longer podcasts that give advice and quick tips to help you, as parents and carers, recognize your children's needs and respond more efficiently, empowering you to better navigate the challenges of parenting. This clip is from my longer podcast in which I speak to Clinical Psychologist Dr. Naomi Fisher on supporting children through EBSA and how teachers and parents can help to meet the developmental needs of children effectively. Do you have or know a child who has started illustrating new behaviours around school attendance? Keep listening, because in this Nugget for Parents, we talk about what signs and indicators you may look for as parents and carers to notice when your child is struggling to get to school. Naomi discusses how to speak with your child to help understand them better and to help them to understand themselves and why their feelings about school may have changed. We also talk about the importance of building a relationship with your child's school so that together things can be put into place to meet your child's needs. With regards to parents and signs of EBSA or school distress, what would you say that parents could look out for in their children that would identify that their children are starting to seriously struggle? The difference between it just being Monday morning and 'I just don't want to go in, and it's cold, and it's raining,' but that serious struggling is starting to happen. ## Signs Parents Should Look For 00:01:53 Naomi > Yes. I think often it's when there's a big difference between how a child appears to be at school and appears to be at home. So quite a lot of parents will say, 'School seems to think they're fine, but at home, oh my goodness, it's absolutely awful. We're coping with huge meltdowns and really disruptive behaviour and because school says they're fine, then we think it can't possibly be school.' In fact, parents are often told it's something you're doing at home. I think that's a sign that your child is really struggling to manage, that whatever's going on at school is a bit too much for them, and they're keeping it all in at school, but they're not able to sustain that. Another thing that you might notice is that they're saying they've got tummy aches, and it isn't that children make these things up, it's that the way that children express their emotions is often actually through physical symptoms. We all maybe tend to be a bit dismissive when children say they've got a headache or a tummy ache, we think they're making it up but actually, it may well be that that is what it feels like to them. If they're worrying about something, they do have a tummy ache rather than worrying about it in a way an adult might worry. Those sorts of things, I think, would be an indication that your child is struggling, there's just a bit too much going on. Also sleep problems. They're not getting to sleep, they're maybe waking in the night worried. Another thing that parents often tell me about is that their children have a cycle of that they're much more relaxed in the holidays and then when the term times happen, you can see them tense up. They say there's a rhythm where on Saturdays, they're okay. On Sundays, they're gradually getting more tense. I would just be aware of your child's rhythms and how those might relate to what's happening at school. I would not necessarily go head in on that because parents are always saying, 'We're always asking what's wrong and the children won't tell us', and that is how children are, but you can make opportunities to find out what's worrying them, to find out what things are going on for them. You might also, if you've got signs like, say, a very explosive child out of school, you might be wanting to think about the length of that child's day. So I do sometimes meet children who are really struggling, who go to breakfast club, then they go to the whole school day, and then they have after-school club or a childminder straight afterwards, and they're out of the house for a really long day. And of course, parents do it because they need to go to work. Absolutely, but if your child is really struggling, it might be worth thinking about, is there any way that we could shorten that day a bit so that they get a bit more time to just really decompress? Or if you can't, is there a way to build in some time into that day so it's more decompression time? Because, for example, if a child goes to a club after school and the expectation is that it's homework club and we're going to straight away be doing our homework, then that child hasn't really got any downtime in that time. It's all on. Actually, children lying around in front of the TV gets a very bad press, but actually they need to have some time when they can just lie around and relax for a bit because that's their decompression time. Then they'll be able to do other things again. But You might want to just think about your child's day, about do they have enough time to decompress? Do they have enough time to just go 'blah'? ## The Importance of Decompression 00:05:07 Alis > Why is it important this decompression? I know you've studied the brain and how children learn and develop mentally. Why is decompression time so key? 00:05:17 Naomi > Well, what's it like for you if you're surrounded with a group of people all day and you have to be behaving in a certain way, all day? Perhaps if you're a child, it's quite hard for you to keep up that behavior all day. You need a bit of time. In my experience, everyone needs a bit of time where they can just go in, shut the door and go, 'oh'. We used to joke about it when I was training as a clinical psychologist that you had to put on a particular clothes, sure you have the same as a head teacher, you dress in a certain way when you are the teacher and you come out, maybe you just put on your pajamas and you need that time to do that. And children need that, too, just as much as adults do. In fact, more. Children need that more than adults do. ## Closing 00:05:58 Alis > I hope you enjoyed that Nip in the Bud nugget. If you want more, why not go back and listen to the whole episode with my guest? If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with others and visit our website for more information, advice, and resources. --- ### Topic(s): School Avoidance . #### Resource(s): - [Dr Naomi Fisher Website](https://www.naomifisher.co.uk/) - [Dr Naomi Fishers books](https://www.naomifisher.co.uk/books) - [Changing our Minds: How Children Can Take Control of their Own Learning (Robinson, 2021)](https://blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/Changing-Our-Minds-by-Naomi-Fisher/9781472145512) - [A Different Way to Learn: Neurodiversity and Self-Directed Education (JKP, 2023)](https://www.waterstones.com/book/a-different-way-to-learn/naomi-fisher//9781839973635) - [Anna Freud - Addressing emotionally based school avoidance](https://www.annafreud.org/resources/schools-and-colleges/addressing-emotionally-based-school-avoidance/) --- **Disclaimer:** The content provided in the Nip in the Bud podcasts is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to replace or serve as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or mental health issue. --- Was this helpful? 0 0 Share: [ Previous Post](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/bullying/bullying-tips-for-parents-and-carers) [Next Post ](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/school-avoidance/supporting-children-struggling-with-emotionally-based-school-avoidance-ebsa) #### Other Related Posts: ![](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/user/pages/02.challenges/03.online-harm/how-to-move-towards-a-smartphone-free-childhood/screen-free-time.jpg) ### Podcast: How to move towards a smartphone free childhood [Podcast: How to move towards a smartphone free childhood](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/online-harm/how-to-move-towards-a-smartphone-free-childhood) PAPAYA aims to educate and empower parents on the mental health problems associated with smartphones and social media, and to help parents work together… [ Online Harm ](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/results/tag:Online%20Harm) ![](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/user/pages/02.challenges/01.school-avoidance/supporting-children-struggling-with-emotionally-based-school-avoidance-ebsa/supporting-a-child-who-doesnt-want-to-go-to-school.jpg) ### Podcast: Supporting children struggling with Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA)? [Podcast: Supporting children struggling with Emotionally Based School Avoidance…](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/school-avoidance/supporting-children-struggling-with-emotionally-based-school-avoidance-ebsa) Dr Naomi Fisher explores emotionally-based school avoidance, offering psychological insights and practical strategies to help children return to school,… [ School Avoidance ](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/results/tag:School%20Avoidance) [ Bullying ](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/results/tag:Bullying) [ Anxiety ](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/results/tag:Anxiety) [ School Life ](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/results/tag:School%20Life) [ EBSA ](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/results/tag:EBSA) ![](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/user/pages/02.challenges/03.online-harm/help-moving-towards-a-smartphone-free-childhood/smartphone-free.webp) ### Article: Moving towards a smartphone free childhood [Article: Moving towards a smartphone free childhood](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/online-harm/help-moving-towards-a-smartphone-free-childhood) This article summarises the Nip in the Bud Podcast on how to move towards a smartphone free childhood and focuses on the pressures felt by children, parents… [ Bullying ](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/results/tag:Bullying) [ Anxiety ](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/results/tag:Anxiety) [ Online Harm ](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/results/tag:Online%20Harm) [Support Hub](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/toolkit/support-hub) [All Nip in the Bud Videos](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/videos) [Nip in the Bud Podcasts](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/podcasts) [Nip in the Bud Factsheets](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/factsheets) [Nip in the Bud Articles](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/articles) [Nip in the Bud Transcripts](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/transcripts) [Nip in the Bud Factsheet Downloads](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/nip-in-the-bud-factsheet-downloads) [Early Intervention Series](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/toolkit/early-intervention/early-intervention-series) #### Nip in the Bud® Nip in the Bud® is a Charitable Incorporated Organisation registered in England and Wales with the Charity Commission under number 1162388 930 High Road London, N12 9RT United Kingdom [Privacy and Cookie Policy](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/privacy-policy) Built by GreenSpeedStudio based on [Grav](https://getgrav.org), with by [Trilby Media, LLC](https://trilby.media) - [Home](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/) - [Challenges](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges) - [School Avoidance](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/school-avoidance) - [Bullying](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/bullying) - [Online Harm](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/online-harm) - [Grief and Loss](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/grief-and-loss) - [Stigma and discrimination](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/stigma-and-discrimination) - [Environment](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/environment) - [Challenging Behaviours](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/challenging-behaviours) - [Toolkit](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/toolkit) - [Calming Techniques](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/toolkit/calming-techniques) - [Early Intervention](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/toolkit/early-intervention) - [Home Life](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/toolkit/home-life) - [School Life](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/toolkit/school-life) - [Lived Experience](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/toolkit/lived-experience) - [Ask Dr Bettina](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/toolkit/ask-dr-bettina) - [Support Hub](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/toolkit/support-hub) - [Neurodivergence](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/neurodivergence) - [ADHD](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/neurodivergence/adhd) - [Autism](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/neurodivergence/autism) - [Dyslexia](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/neurodivergence/dyslexia) - [Dyscalculia](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/neurodivergence/dyscalculia) - [Dyspraxia](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/neurodivergence/dyspraxia) - [Tourette Syndrome](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/neurodivergence/tourettes) - [Mental Health](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/mental-health) - [Depression](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/mental-health/depression) - [OCD](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/mental-health/ocd) - [Trauma](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/mental-health/trauma) - [Eating Disorders](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/mental-health/eating-disorders) - [Self Harm](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/mental-health/self-harm) - [Anxiety](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/mental-health/anxiety) - [Conduct Disorder](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/mental-health/conduct-disorder) - [PTSD](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/mental-health/ptsd) - [Body Dysmorphic Disorder](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/mental-health/body-dysmorphic-disorder) - [About us](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/about-us) - [Meet the Team](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/about-us/meet-the-team) - [Authors and Experts](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/about-us/authors-and-experts) - [Partners](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/about-us/partners) - [Champions](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/about-us/champions) - [News](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/about-us/nip-in-the-bud-news) - [Contact](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/about-us/contact) - [Join our mailing list](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/about-us/join-our-mailing-list) - [Donate](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/about-us/donate) --- ## Navigation - Parent: [School Avoidance](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/school-avoidance.md) - Previous: [Supporting children struggling with Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA)?](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/school-avoidance/supporting-children-struggling-with-emotionally-based-school-avoidance-ebsa.md) - Next: [Children and Bullying: Tips for Parents and Carers](https://nipinthebud.trilbyhost.com/challenges/bullying/bullying-tips-for-parents-and-carers.md)